The Run Of Hope

 A picture I took of some Buddhist Monks.  I love this picture.

I am sitting here in Starbucks waiting for my sugar level to go up after a morning of fasting and finally having blood drawn.  I am finally able to sit down and write a blog post after a week of hiatus.  Yikes!!  Yep, I have been just a tad busy.  Had interesting moments last week.

My little journey started out on Friday when I went to an event I had literally been dreading.  Why you may ask?  The answer is simple, shyness social anxiety.  This event was held in the community I live in.  The funds from all tickets sold for it went to a wonderful cause, UNC Lineberger.  This part of UNC Hospital in Chapel Hill, North Carolina has funding to help families in need who are struggling with cancer.  So I knew I had to go to support the cause, but it meant breaking out of my shell around a group which would have strangers in it and around people who I am not always comfortable around.  Do not get me wrong, it is not that I disliked anyone at the event I just knew there would be people there from my neighborhood who I have been hurt by in the past and who I still have a hard time talking too.   People I simply have a hard time letting my guard down around because I am not sure what may be said about me if I do.  Yep, I do have a vulnerable side and I am not afraid to write about it.  Writing about it helps me to work with it and learn from it.    So it took every inch of my being to get my clothes on and go.  I did get to chat with some of my favorite people while there.  My co-worker, and dear friend, Jen was there and she always makes me feel very welcome.  I also got to meet her friend Becky who was sweet and not afraid to speak her mind.  I need someone like that in my life to teach me the tricks of the trade.  Then one of my kindred spirits, Claire, was there.  Claire’s daughter and my daughter are good best friends and when I talk to Claire I always feel like I am talking to someone I have known forever.  She has the same sense of style and values I have.  Note I said sense of style first……..she has taught me some insider info on where to get Free People clothing for much cheaper.  I also was lucky to be able to talk to a few more people who I have always enjoyed chatting with.  So the fact those people were there to chat with made it a lot easier to work past some of those uncomfortable feelings I had the minute I stepped foot into the party.  It was a mix of social anxiety and feeling uncomfortable being around people I am unsure of.  I have always been a very emotional person.  So in situations like this I have a tendency to shut down or feel claustrophobic, like there is too much tension around me.  I made it through though and had a fun time.  I am proud of myself for getting out there.

A fun picture of the gang!!

Event number two took place on Saturday at work.  I went down to our annual hospital check-up and my blood pressure was 155/97, of course it was very early and I had not taken my medicine yet.  Now I have chronic hypertension that I take medication for on a daily basis.  I have my genetic make-up to thank for this, as I have a mom/dad/entire family who has it.  If only the genes I had were more like a nice pair of comfortable Lucky Brand Jeans.  So to say the least I was very frustrated and in tears.  Here I am with a whole change in lifestyle and 60 pounds lighter, yet my blood pressure will not budge.  So I headed to my doctor yesterday, a new doctor to by the way, and my blood pressure was 144/92.  This reading was a good hour after I had taken my medication.  However, I was nervous as it was a new doctor and I was prepping myself for the lovely physical I was about to have done.  So my doctor, whom I have to say is one amazing female doctor who valued everything I said, stated we would wait 4 weeks.  During the next 4 weeks I am to take my blood pressure and see what it reads on a regular basis when I am not nervous or stressed.  If it is still showing issues we will increase my medication or switch it.  She did say the best thing I can do though is to keep running.  Running is my weapon against my genetic make-up and may help me live longer.  My grandmother lived until 100 and she walked everywhere and was always active, so I am hoping I am the same.  So after a minor crying breakdown in front of the new doctor I felt a renewed hope that it will all work out.  The doctor understood the fact I am not big on taking medicine and wanted to give me the best chance she could before she goes switching what I do take.

How you feel when you find out your blood pressure is still not under  control.

So yesterday afternoon I headed out for a nice 3 mile run and it felt amazing.  The first thing I did before the run is something I do before every run, even while waiting in a line for the horn to blow during a race.  I bent down and touched the amazing Earth that God created.  It is something I enjoy doing before a run because of my Christian/Buddhist beliefs.  I believe we are all one and must embrace what is around us.  I said my usual prayer, thanking him for blessing me with the ability to run and take in the beauty he created.  I gave all of my frustration to him to hold and headed out on my run.  It was an incredible run full of cleansing and hope.