One Of Those Days

So I am not one to ever hide my vulnerable side.  I have one and I let people know it.  I always admit to my social awkwardness and shy side.  I will also admit I am "gun shy".  On days like today it really hits me.  My little man got his kindergarten shots yesterday and today he was not feeling so well.  That meant I had to swap runs and put my 11 miler on for tomorrow instead of today.  It also meant snuggles and kisses from little man, who loves to proclaim "You are the coolest mom in the world".  That always makes my day.

However, I will admit I do miss one thing.  I try not to focus on it much because I am so busy, but on quiet days like today I have time to think.  I miss having those close friendships nearby.  Right now, my life is too busy to really step out and make those friendships.  I will also admit I am a bit "gun shy" too.  I have been slammed quite a few times and that has caused me to step back and be cautious. Truth is I may have some higher expectations now that I feel comfortable in my own skin too.  In fact if I could do an add for friends it would probably go something like this:

"Almost 37-year-old laid back, crazy busy, and dedicated lady looking for girl friends to hang out with that have traits similar to.....................well similar to my husband."

Now you may be saying, WHAT?!  Or you may be saying, "I get it".  You see my husband is by far my best friend.  Since day one he has been nothing but my biggest support.  In fact he is the first guy I ever dated that on the first date I told about my story and the journey with depression I was taking.  In fact at the end of my telling him this I also told him he could walk away then if he wanted because at that point I was tired of men walking away as soon as they saw how hard I was to deal with at the time.  My husband never flinched though.  Instead here we are almost 11 years later and he still is my biggest cheerleader.  Here is what I love about him and they are qualities I look for in friends too:

1. He is never afraid to tell me when I am wrong or when I have messed up.  He knows I appreciate the honesty and would rather him tell me than tell someone else.
2. He pushes me to be my best and encourages me to stand tall.
3. He is my team mate.  He knows when to give me quiet time and knows when to make me laugh.
4. He is honest with me, even if it is something I do not want to hear.
5. He believes in me!!
6. He lets me be me.  My quarky and quiet side and all.  In fact he stands up for me and lets people know that I may be quiet, but I am worth knowing.  Guess you could say he is proud of me.
7. He stands by my side, even when I have been at my worst.  He knows that underneath the "me" he knows and respects is always there.

So I guess you could say my husband has given me high expectations in the friendship realm.  Now that I am comfortable in my own skin and proud of who I am I look for friendships that will embrace the qualities I have and not try to change them.  For years when I moved to NC I tried to fit in and now I just want to be me.  I will admit friendships are more difficult to make as you get older.  I do envy those people who make friends easily, as I am not one of those people.  I am shy, quiet, and "gun shy".  It is part of who I am and I love it, even though it does get in my way sometimes.  My thought today was that I wish I could take all of my Tough Chik team mates and move them near me.  I have met so many amazing women through the team.  However, that is impossible.  So for now I will just keep praying for the right people to walk into my life and the opportunity to be able to get to know those I admire most here better.  There are some amazing ladies here where I live.  Some have supported me through my schooling and busy life.  I appreciate that more than anything.  I guess for now I will continue to embrace my life the way it is and realize that someday it will not be so busy. Someday I will be able to create a great "ad" and make those close friendships I so desire.

My best friend and me riding on The Eye last year.